“Forgive” is a funny word.

What am I giving, and for what purpose does the giving exactly serve?

Who is it for? For them? For me?

They always told me:

You ought to forgive,

Forgiveness is how you will move forward,

Forgiveness is the answer to your anger.

Well, you know what-

No, the fuck it’s not.

And I was not angry,

I was broken.

Imagine, being told how to feel and what to do with it.

That “forgiveness is the only way to heal”.

Why should the culprit be a part of my healing process?

You don’t go to the thorn, to treat your nick.

You don’t go to the knife, to seal your cut.

You certainly do not go to the gun, to heal your wounds.

Oftentimes, we pretend that we have forgiven that which we have not,

And this creates more damage than good.

It makes you walk around in a state of euphoria,

In a total oblivion of the darkness you have yet to let go -oh but wait, you have “forgiven”.

Don’t get me wrong, forgiveness is impactful and at times necessary.

But, for those who feel forgiveness is the unanswer,

there are other ways to heal just as beautifully.

So, for-giving:

I’m giving me strength,

I’m giving me kindness,

I’m giving me time,

I’m giving me awareness,

I’m giving me space,

I’m giving me permission,

I’m giving me love,

I’m giving me power,

I’m giving me healing

… and I will give, for no one but me.

-Jodie Zapatier

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