Everything Happens for a Reason... and Other Lies I've Believed

Do not tell me everything happens for a reason!

Do not tell me that my innocent, beautiful 6-year-old niece could die for a reason.

I don’t care how good the “thing” or “reason” is...it’s not worth her dying for!

And how dare you say that I can grow from this

or it could change her parents for the better.

I don’t care. It’s not worth it!

Do not tell me to pray for God’s will and let whatever happens happen;

whatever He sees is best.

Do not tell me that maybe God wills to let my niece die,

that He is constructing it for a greater good!

Do not tell me that I should pray for her death if that is what God thinks.

Sorry, but I don’t think she should die...not going to pray for that.

Do not tell me to just not be so focused and stressed about getting pregnant because once I’m not stressed about not getting pregnant, I’ll conceive.

Are you fucking kidding me?!

I wasn’t stressed when I started trying five years ago and it didn't work then!

And oh...ok!...I’ll just stop being stressed.

Have you tried that yourself?!

Just stop giving advice on something you haven’t experienced.

You got pregnant on your second try...or maybe didn’t even try at all.

Do not tell me that God opens and closes wombs.

You’re telling me God decided to shut mine, but not yours.

Am I not as good as you?

Will I not be as good of a mother as you are?

Do not tell me that white men and women went to heaven while their black slaves went to hell because they didn’t follow the practices and religion of their slaveholders and tormenters.

Because they continued in their own beautiful culture.

Do not tell me that I am safe if I follow God’s law

and am a moral person who loves Jesus.

Because now shit has happened.

Did I not love God enough?

Did I not restrict myself enough?

Didn’t I do as I was supposed to?

Do not tell me to base my marriage on Jesus.

Marriage is a triangle with God as the head and the couple at the bottom.

The closer you get to God, the closer you get to each other.

But...what if one of us stops believing?

Now what is our foundation?

Do not tell me our religion is the only true religion.

Do not tell me that all these other cultures and interpretations of God are wrong

and will go to hell because of it.

Do not tell me God sends his children to hell because they misunderstood.

Do not tell me God sends people to hell when they grew up in a different culture and never even heard it taught this way.

Do not tell me that American Christianity is the only one that got it right.

Do not tell me I will go to hell for questioning or doubting.

Do not tell me if Jesus came back today while I’m sorting it out,

I’d be damned to hell forever because I just wasn’t sure what’s in the invisible world that I can’t see or hear tangibly.

Do not tell me that they will go to hell because they desire what we already have.

United in marriage to the one we love.

Do not tell me I can lead women, but not women and men.

I can lead children, but not adults.

I can give opinions, but not the final say.


That is all.

Do not tell me my body is dangerous.

A tempting vessel.

A gift for a single man and a tempter for the rest.

Do not tell me to hide my body and suppress sexual urges

just to turn it around once I find that man and tell me I must unleash it

and make sure to have sex often unless we both agree to be fasting and praying.

Do not tell me sex is holy, but keep it quiet, we don’t talk about that here

and especially not in detail.

Do not tell me men are sexual and I should have sex to serve my husband.

Do not tell me sex is good for a marriage even - it all just sounds like rules.

Tell me sex is fun and to go get that orgasm, girl...with or without your man!

Tell me sex is spiritual and connects me to my partner in a mind-blowing way.

Tell me sex is good!

Tell me I am a sexual being - tell me to call it forth, embrace it and use it.

It is divine.

Do not tell me that maybe I don’t feel Jesus is with me because

I haven’t reached out to him.

Good friends reach out to their friends in time of need.

Good friends don’t wait for their depressed friend to come to their house

to give them a hug and offer encouragement.

Good friends go to the hurting and love on them where they are.

And don’t even dare say Jesus already did that by coming and dying on the cross.

I told my husband I loved him when I married him.

So, now I don’t have to say it again ever or do acts of love ever again?

Do not tell me Jesus is enough.

Sometimes...he isn’t.

Sometimes counseling, binge eating, crying, journaling and good friends

is what gets me through, not Jesus.

Do not shame me for not being able to get over this just me and Jesus alone.

Do not tell me that plants from God’s creation that open me up spiritually are sinful,

but man-made poison that stifles ailments for a season are fine.

Do not tell me that a tradition done by all of humankind for thousands of years

to gain wisdom and spiritual insight is wrong just because it is unknown to you.

Do not tell me that God is love, but that God loves by making rules and giving consequences to those rules.

Do not tell me God is exclusive.

Do not tell me you know exactly who God is, that God is defined and known.

Do not tell me that people are wretched beings.

Sinful and worth nothing without God’s grace.

Life is beautiful!

People are beautiful!

We are good.

We are worthy of love.

We are love.

We are connected by love and to love.


-Elizabeth Kier

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